I really wanted to go out dancing with you on Friday night.
I really wanted to meet you for dinner.
I know it's a cliche line used as a cop out to not actually tell a person you don't want to be around them. But, there are times where this line is absolutely the truth.
Since April I have been dealing with unwanted, and yet persistent, visitors. They're names are Depression and Migraine.
. I love people.
I love dancing.
The thing is, Depression drains my emotional energy to do these things. Migraine drains my physical energy to do these things. Together, they drain me of any kind of energy to do these wonderful, social, and fun things that I love with people I truly enjoy.
My career as a hairdresser requires a lot of energy and mostly the emotional kind. I am not complaining. I truly enjoy what I do and where I am at with it. I couldn't be happier! But it can be draining. I build relationships with each and every client who sits in my chair.
My emotional out put on any given work day is usually quite high which leaves only a little bit of energy left for all those fun things I love to do.
That is the energy that I use for that house warming party, that dinner, that club night.
This is why I did not attend your event that I really wanted to, and this is why I very seldom give a firm " Yes " when asked if I am attending something. I don't know how much of an ass Depression will be that day, so I go a day at a time.
And I love you.
You are awesome!
And on those days when Depression and Migraine have retreated to the closet or left for a long, long vacation ( or forever ), I will dance my ass off with you.
I will drink all the beer with you.
I will warm your house like you wouldn't believe.
And I will spend my energy on you!