Monday, August 25, 2014


I'm awkward around guys I like.
I try to be flirty and cute.
I try to show interest without being annoying.
I can be vague about my interest because I don't want to be annoying.

After sex I get really sleepy and relaxed.
Maybe this comes off as uninterested or upset.
I'm just completely relaxed and my brain is in a haze.

I'm sarcastic.
I can be too sarcastic.
I scare people away because I'm too sarcastic.
I don't NEED a man in my life, I want one to share my life with.
Men want to be needed.
I can't provide that.

I'm very easy going.
I don't care what we do, just that we do something.
I like companionship.
I like being around someone.
I like having someone to hug me
I like have someone to kiss.
I like having someone to cuddle with and laugh with.

I want to be loved.
I want to be loved for me.
I want to love someone.

Maybe I put out something completely different,
Maybe I can appear cold, unemotional, uninterested.
And I can be guarded and closed off.
I don't trust easily.
I've learned my lessons in that area.

I'm quite possibly undateable.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

He's 6'4

My ex's name is Ben
He's 6'4
He was/is 3 years younger then me.

Keep the above information in mind as I review this date.

Date review
Date #1

Who: The Manager
Where: Beer Revolution
When: A few days ago
What: Beers and talking
Beard Potential: Good, and it would be a ginger beard too, but he doesn't like having a beard ( this can be worked on though )
Sexiness level: Off the charts! ( He's 6'4 )

Have you ever just clicked with someone on every level?

Ever been tempted to just go to Berlin with someone that night?

Ever not wanted the night to end?

Ever felt so insanely attracted to someone that making out in the middle of the restaurant sounds perfectly logical?

Ever meet someone that you could see yourself falling in love with?

I have.

And he's a 6'4 red head named Ben who is 3 years older then me.
I should buy a lottery ticket.
I had forgotten how tall 6'4 is and how incredible sexy I find tall men and how much I love being next to them.
Moving on

The Date

I walk into Beer Revolution. I don't see him. I figure it should be easy to spot a 6'4 man who wears this certain kind of hat ( yes, hat although I didn't know whether to expect the hat ) but a hat that, at least from the pictures, looks great!

Just as I'm about to send him a text, I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and look into a face that instantly made me smile. I hugged him. I have never hugged any one on first meeting. I'm not much of a hugger in general and I'm particular in who I hug. But in this moment, a hug needed to happen.

Did I mention he's 6'4?

He's wearing a hat. This hat.
This hat could actually be the exact hat he was wearing.

Now, this hat works for some and not for others.

For him, it works! Does it ever work! ( Slightly different then Robot Man's hat )

He did his university in Montreal. I think a bit of that Montreal style rubbed off on him. Holy hell!

We get a table, order a couple beers. I already kind of want to make out with him.
I ask him what he did that day.

He tells me he went for coffee with a friend and then played a board game. ( I made this smaller because he kind of looked away and said this quietly as if embarrassed. ) Little does he know, I LOVE BOARD GAMES! I tell him this.

We get talking. I can't even exactly remember what about. About everything and nothing and it was so comfortable, so easy,

He's really into movies. Not Hollywood movies, but good movies. He kind of laughs at my love of Tarantino movies and stylized violence.

I did mention that he's 6'4, right?

He loves watching baseball ( I don't ) and it's on the TV's at the bar. Never once did he watch the game until I out right asked him how watching baseball could be fun. We discuss it, he explains to me how exciting it can be. He talks about the stats a bit. By this point I am completely willing to sit down and watch a baseball game with him and have him explain the excitement to me.

He beats his hands on the table every now and then to the music playing, looks around and does this thing where he re-positions his hat on his head every now and then.

We reminisce about the 90's and high school. He tells me an embarrassing story. It's cute. I tell him about being weird and inadvertently breaking hearts in high school.

We rag Limp Bizkit and Green Day. He figures my hate for Nickelback means I secretly actually love them. I'm disgusted.

He mentions travelling. We talk about travelling. He would love to do a middle-America road trip...on a motorcycle. My heart skips a beat.

He has plans to go to Germany. I mention I feel like I should live in Berlin. He picks up his phone and says " Let's go. I'll buy tickets. They're what, only 1200$? " He's kidding, of course, but the idea of just taking off to Germany with this guy seems completely normal.

He tells me about drinking Guiness in Ireland. I tell him about backpacking through Turkey. We both LOVE Paris!

He drinks his beer much quicker then I do. This is mainly because I talk and forget to the drink.
He waits for me to catch up.

He's 6'4.

We sat for four hours, just talking and laughing.

He mentions that he thinks the couple sitting right beside us is listening to our conversation because they're not having one of their own. We both kind of laugh about that. ( It's quite possible they were listening. )

He offers to walk me home ( I live 5 blocks away ). That means he needs to walk me home and then walk back for his vehicle. I am trying to not grin like an idiot and also trying to not just jump on him. We start walking to my place, he asks me if I'm cold. I say yes. He suggests he drive me.

We make out in the The Suby ( he owns a Subaru ).

He's an amazing kisser. This is incredibly important.

Not even 15 minutes later, before I'm even in bed, he sends me a text.

" What are you doing tomorrow night? "

I'm in my house so I can now smile like an idiot. And that's what I am doing right now while writing this.

I could see myself falling in love with this man.

He's also 6'4.