Wednesday, June 18, 2014

My dog is running interference.

I'm pretty sure my dog is running interference in my love life.

Example 1

 The other day I was at the dog park. There was a really cute boy, with a glorious beard, there with his dog. Now, we all know that beards are a very important part of my dating life. In fact, I will probably not date you if you do not have a high beard potential. ( There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they are few and far between. )

 But back to the story.

Try as I might, my dog barely showed any interest in the dog owned by this cute boy. Instead, he showed lots of interest in the dog, a beautiful Great Dane, owned by a elderly couple. They were a wonderful couple and I had a great chat with them, but they were not the cute, bearded boy I wanted to mingle with.


It has been suggested that my dog knew that if he hung out with Cute Boy's dog, I would give the boy all the attention, thus there would be less attention for my dog. But, I really don't think my dog thinks that much.

It has also been suggested that my dog sensed that there was something evil and sinister about Cute Boy and thus avoided Cute Boy's dog to save me from his evil ways. This theory has a little bit more credibility then the previous but again, I don't think my dog was thinking this much.

Example 2

Remember Guitar Playing Physics Teacher, A.K.A. White Neil DeGrasse Tyson? I briefly mentioned him in my first post.

He met me one night as I was walking my dog at the off leash park. We were sitting on a picnic table after he had finished serenading me. ( He does that. Sings and plays guitar ). Serenading deserves some kissing in my books. We start making out. All of a nose right in the middle of our faces! My dog, a 13" tall basset hound, had managed to climb up on the picnic table and insert himself between me and White NDT. Last I had checked he had been content laying on the grass under the table.

Dog nose tends to kill the mood a little. Funny how I never heard from him again after that.

Example 3

Star Trek Lover was over at my place because my dog had run into a car ( I can't really say he was hit by a car because, in my understanding of the events, he hit the car ) and I needed to watch him for a few days. STL came over to hang out. We were sitting quit closely on the couch, enjoying the classic rock I was playing on Songza ( BEST APP. EVER! ) and talking about Star Trek. Dog decided he's going to join us. Jumps up on the couch and lays down on STL's lap. He's a 60 lb. dog. STL was very gracious and allowed Dog to claim his lap as a resting place but it really does prevent any romantical things from happening. And thus, nothing romantical happened.

Come to think of it, haven't heard from him since then either.

I see a pattern here.

If you ever need some interference on a date, let me know, I can rent Dog out for a few hours. He won't mind a bit.

Sunday, June 15, 2014


A picture of a penis with a message that reads " Hey Sexy "

Yup, that's all there was.

I have a profile on Okcupid and this was the first time I got a message from someone who's profile picture was just a penis. Nothing more, nothing less.

Really? Does that ever work? Seriously, can someone tell me? It's not that I'm a prude or anything. Far from it I think, maybe bordering on a bit promiscuous but just a penis, nothing more? That's just lame, dude!

I get a lot of the " Hey sexy, " and usually there is a photo of them mostly naked or a picture of them drinking a beer or with their arm around a girl. What goes through your mind at that point?

" Hey, I'm looking for a girl to date/sleep with/marry. Maybe I should put this picture of me with another girl and not explain that it's my sister/cousin/niece/aunt/mother. Yeah, that'll get the chicks, " No! No it won't! No chicks for you ( except for the one in that picture, I guess )!

Some of the other great ones I've received:

" Do you like strawberries or blueberries? I wanna know what to put in the pancakes tomorrow morning, " This from a 22 year old. A little presumptuous?

" I would love to eat you out, " At least he's honest.

" You're hot. Wanna fuck? " No, no I do not.

My favourites though are the one word ones consisting of " Sup, " Yup, apparently that is an actual word now and they're not even punctuating it properly. If you want to do it right, it's spelled " S'up. "

That leads to another thing. The English language is great! Please try a bit to use real words. I am not perfect at it but damn, I try hard to use real words and proper punctuation.

Rant done.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Date # 3!!! Shit is gettin' serious here!

Who: Geeky 27 year old musician. ( Real job: computer programmer )
When: Last night
What: watched some really bad movies and made fun of them including Heavy Metal and The Room.
Beard level: High potential. It seems like he might be growing one but it's in that scruffy not quite a beard but not just scruff stage. Some chest hair but no rug.
Sexy Body Level: His bum is adequate. ( a friend asked about it. I am not really a bum girl ) Need to work on the guns a bit as I am definitely an arm girl.
Tattoo/piercing level - Just starting, but it is a good start.
Date # 3

Things I learned: He's incredibly sarcastic, which is great, because I am too and there is no worry of offending.

The Room is the worst movie ever made. I mean it, don't watch it, unless you really enjoy watching terrible movies ( which I do ).

He is fascinated by Juggalo culture from an anthropology stand point. Yes, the ICP Juggalo culture ( although he is not part of it ). And I learned that it is a much bigger thing then I realized it was and that makes me hate this world a little bit.

He has a whole collection of socks in funny patterns and colours. I don't think any of them are just plain white or black.

He's done quite a bit of travelling.

Conclusion: Will keep him around. He's completely adorable in a odd, nerdy, some what awkward way that I can't quite pin point, but I find him interesting and fun to be around. He's very much a hipster which makes me laugh a bit. Seems to have gotten a bit better at the kissing part.

Any other particular part of the date or person you think I should be reviewing? Send me a comment or message and let me know what it is. The wackier the better, I say.

My One and Only....first post.

Here it is, by popular demand!!!

Date Night with Victoria. 

What: reviews of the dates I go on
When: within 24 hours of said date
Who: the men I date
Where: depends on what we did
Beard Potential: because this is important stuff here ( also including body hair )
What I learned: the things I discovered about above mentioned date.
Conclusion: because you asked for it and people seem to have am interest in my love life. ( also I like to think I'm entertaining and witty )

I have recently returned to the dating scene ( within the last month ) after almost 2 years of no dating. Why did I not date for 2 years you ask? Because I didn't feel like it. I was and still am happy being single but I would like to get laid once in a while and I would like to have a someone in my life that I can hang out with, chat with and maybe get a hug on those " I Need A Hug " days. Because so many people ask how my dates go I had started to review them on my facebook page. It was suggested that I create a blog for them instead, so here I am, so the whole world can know and follow my love life ( or lack of if that's the case )

I wont go back and completely review each date I've had previous to the first one I will post here, but I will give you a quick run down of them.

Who: Guitar playing physics teacher
What: An evening at the Legislature where he serenaded me under the stars.
Beard potential: HIGH. very high
Outcome: Stood me up once, saw him again and then haven't heard from him.

Who: Ontario Guy
What: Hung out, made out, etc.. etc...( has a thing for kissing red lips )
Beard potential: I'm thinking on the low end.
Outcome: Went back to Ontario but come to E-town periodically for work. Still chat via text and will see him again when he's in town next. GREAT KISSER!

Who: Intense Question Guy
What: Starbucks then a walk, chatted, asked me some very intense questions
Beard potential: Moderate
Outcome: I decided he was too intense for me. Had to let him go.

Who: Star Trek Lover
What: A walk and talk and then a hang out at my place ( 2 dates )
Beard potential: Low
Outcome: Great guy. Would love to have him a friend but no sexual attraction on my end.