Hook-up culture

READ THIS FIRST!!!

I wanted to post this article because it has a direct impact on me and dating right now.

The article talks about 20-somethings, but I would say that anyone between the ages of 18 and 40 are in the same situation when it comes to dating.

And this is my frustration.

I want to DATE! I want to go out and play mini-golf, or get lost in a corn maze, or play Street Fighter, or look through my telescope at the stars, or go to the Space and Science center, or a myriad of other activities this wonderful city has to offer. I don't just want to " hang out, maybe, sometime, " And I don't just want to hook up.

Even ten years ago it was different. I would go on actual dates! Guys put effort into things. Now their plan is " Maybe hang out sometime this week, "

MAYBE??!! HANG OUT!???

What does that mean?

Do you want to see me or don't you?

What does hang out actually mean?

BLARRGGHH!!

The end.

Neanderthal Dating and THE HAT!

I sprained my thumb.
It makes it hard to type.
It makes it hard to be alive.
Zipping up my pants? Hard
Turning my car on and off? Hard
Putting on my bra? Hard
Eating food with a fork and knife? Hard

And that last line brings me to a date review.

Date #2

Who: Robot Man
When: Last Friday, July 25
Where: Cheesecake Cafe
What: I ate too much

What do I say about Robot Man that I haven't said already. He's an odd boy. We were at the restaurant for about 3 hours, we talked almost the whole time. It was mostly fun and a little bit awkward at times. Because of my sprained thumb, instead of eating my food like a normal person, I had to make a fist around my fork and stab my food like some kind if Neaderthal. He thought it was adorable. He thinks I'm adorable and he kept looking at me with those eyes that are adoring me. It was a bit creepy. He also kept talking about being good at massages.

Mmmmhhmm, I know what that means.

He also wore a hat. And not just any hat, but this hat.

And he wore it in this material and colour.

His reasoning? 

On his dating profile page he has a lot of pictures of him in hats but I haven't seen him in a hat yet, so he didn't want me to think he was being false on his dating profile. I've only seen him once before and, if you remember, he wore a black shirt with fuzzy leopard print panels on it that he made me touch. His shirt this time did was a plain grey. He apologized for that lack of excitement on his shirt but figured the hat would make up for it.

The hat definitely made up for it.

Robot man is a really good guy. He's kind and he's talkative and he seems pretty secure in himself, even though he's a bit of an odd duck.

Problem?

I have absolutely zero attraction to him.

None. Nadda. Zilch.

He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek after our dinner. It was awkward.

And the HAT! That HAT!  I just can't get over that hat.

I don't think I will see him again in a date capacity. As an occasional buddy I could just hang out and have coffee with, sure, but there is really nothing beyond that.

THE HAT!

* Disclaimer: The following blog post contains errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. They are not my mistakes ( well, the really bad ones aren't ). All conversations are transcribed exactly as they were originally received. *

Dun, dun, da da dada daaaa. ( Law and Order theme song. )

" Youve lost a lot of weight havnt you? " 

Yes, that was the first message he sent me. 

Backstory: I have lost a lot of weight over the last couple years, around 100lbs I am guessing. I have a photo on my profile of me and Patrick Stewart. I am quite a bit heavier in this photo and it's not the best photo ever taken of me but.... SIR PATRICK STEWART!!!! 

Photo in question. I made him giggle a bit with my fan-girl dorkiness.

As we can see, I look slightly different now. I am about the third the size now as I was in this photo, but I don't care because it's MOTHA-FUCKING SIR PATRICK STEWART!!! It was the greatest moment of my life and dammit, I'm going to share it with people whether I look good or not. ( For the record, Sir Patrick Stewart looks great! )

Moving on.

I'm not sure whether this guy meant his message as a compliment or just an observation but I found it kind of an odd way to start a conversation. 

It's a nice way of saying " You used to be fat? " 

YES, yes I was fat and am still chubby and I'm not ashamed of it, so there. * stick my tongue out at you*

This conversation continues with his next message:

" You should give me a hair cutt sometime ;) lol a nice old trim job "

A nice, old trim job, eh? With a winky face included. Hmmm, could there be a double entendre hidden in this message? A very thinly veiled second meaning? Maybe of the sexual variety? Hmmmm.

I replied with " Yes, I have lost a lot of weight over the last couple years, "
" Hmmm your a bit older then me...but want to be friends? "

You just realized this?! Did you not even glance at my profile before messaging me? 

I guess he no longer wants that " good old trim job " from this old lady.

I replied. 

" Yes, I am a bit older then you. Lol, "

I'm not completely sure what this boy ( he's 25 ) was trying to accomplish with this exchange. I'm not sure of the thought process involved or why any of these comments seems like a good idea. Can someone explain it to me, please???!!!

This brings me to another thing.

A number of times guys have messaged me with something along the lines of " I need a hair cut. lol " or mentioned needing a hair cut when chatting with me.  

Are they trying to be witty? Are they just trying to find something in common with me? Are they trying to find an unassuming way to meet me? Do they want me to touch them without trying? Do they think I offer 'extra services"?

On my end, it is profoundly annoying.

 I don't say " Hey, Mr. Welder, can you weld me some stuff? lol " 

or 

" Hey Mr. Trucker, can you haul some stuff for me? lol " 

or even!

" Hey, Mr. Computer Tech, can you fix my computer? lol " ( this is a very practical skill and everyone wants a computer tech to fix their computer. )

No, I don't want to cut your hair! I don't know you and I don't want our first meeting ( and I get quite nervous about first meetings of this kind ) to be me working while you sit there. I have to work while you get to sit there and relax. I am now nervous about the meeting AND I have to give you a good hair cut.  Most people would like to leave with all of their ears still on their heads and without bleeding. 

OH! And they also want a great hair cut.

Is this a test? If I give you a bad hair cut will you never call me again?  

This is not only through messages. Each and every date I have been on has asked me about their hair, mentioned their hair, defended their hair or asked about getting a hair cut. Every time I kind of sigh and try to change the subject. I can talk about my career but don't ask me to work while on a 'date'.

I would think roller derby would be a more exciting conversation then hairdressing.

*sigh*

Change of subject. 

p.s. I am not angry at these guys just annoyed a bit. I am sure they are all just trying to be nice and take an interest in my work.

There's someone I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be....

SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH ME!

DAMMIT!

It's easy to get laid ( at least for me it is ).

It's easy to find that meaningful connection with someone. Well, maybe not easy but I have people who I have a deep, meaningful, emotional connection with.
It's easy to find someone to hang out with.

It's even easy to get a hug. 

The one down side to being single is the lack of cuddling. Sometimes one just wants to snuggle up to someone and cuddle. Maybe watch a movie, listen to music, smoke a certain plant, take a nap...whatever you feel like doing while cuddling that DOES NOT INVOLVE SEX!

It always ends up in sex.

Guy: I like cuddling.

Me: That's great. Me too.
Guy: Cuddling naked is the best.

Me: ....uh huh...
Guy: * explicit sexual things he would like to do to me while "cuddling"*

Me: * eye roll and sigh *

** Disclaimer: The above conversation is a generalization of conversations I have on a fairly regular basis. **

THAT is not cuddling. Cuddling is like a really long hug, a hug you could take a nap in. Usually, it is done with at least some clothes on and doesn't lead to sex. ( Well, it could lead to sex but that's not the intent initially )

I get it, men are always horny and always want sex. That's your argument, right? No guy actually wants to cuddle, right? Maybe not. Maybe to a guy, cuddling always leads to sex or the want to have sex.

But let me use the above conversation as an example. If it had gone more like this:

Guy: I like cuddling. "

Me: That's great. Me too. 

Guy: I like having a girl close and just letting her relax. Maybe watch a movie. Clothes on of course. 

Me: Oh!! Really??!! That sounds wonderful.

Guy: Let's cuddle tonight.

Me: OK!

Now, I realize that no guy would actually say all those things, but I'm generalizing again.

The difference with the second conversation is that this guy is probably going to at least get a kiss out of this if not other things,  where as in the first conversation, he is most definitely not. He is not even going to get to see me, let alone have sex with me.

Do you understand the difference?

Now that I've cleared that up we can move on.

I really just want to cuddle sometimes. Seriously, and when a guy says he likes or wants to cuddle and then immediately moves the idea into the sex zone, it really disappoints me. If you just want sex, just say so, be honest. It may be that that's what I want as well.

But don't tell me you want to cuddle when really what you want is sex.

The closest I've come to cuddling with someone in almost 2 years is when I snuggled up to Pile Driver ( one of my derby teammates ) in this photo:

All I want is to cuddle, on a couch with a man and his beard. 

Robot Man!

Date Review Time! 

Who: Robot Man ( he works with robots that measure things in great detail and create 3-D models )
When: 9:45 pm Wednesday ( technically yesterday )
What: Had various drinks ( namely tea ) at Remedy on Jasper Ave.
Beard Level: Excellent. He has a full but short beard. I feel I may have convinced him to grow a long one.
Sexy Level: Depends on what you find sexy. He has a hairy chest, which is good. He's a bit chubby,                                which I like. ( Sorry, Joe, I didn't really take note of the bum on this one. We were                                        sitting most of the time. ) I would put him in the lower end of sexy though.
Gentleman Level ( I'm adding this in because I feel it's important ): Fairly high. Walked me to my car                                and gave me a nice hug with a respectful kiss on the cheek.
Bad Ass Level ( I'm also adding this because reasons ): No tattoos or piercings. But he used to smoke                          a LOT of weed. I put this fairly low though.

Things I learned: He used to smoke a lot of weed but not anymore.
                             He used to live just off Whyte Ave, he now lives over where I used to live in the S.E.                                    (WHY???!!!)
                             He talks a lot more online and in text then he does in real life ( which is probably a good                                thing )

Robot Man works with robots. He programs these robots to measure things very ( and I stress VERY ) precisely. I say things because he measures a variety of things.

He measured the Grey Cup once. He also measured a moose hoof. So there's that.

He spared me the boring stuff about his job, which I appreciate. He doesn't find it boring but recognizes that most people would. Thanks, Robot Man.

I think I talked more then he did. He's very easy to talk to. We talked about our jobs, roller derby ( surprise!!! ), racism ( yes ) and space ( a bit ). The place closes at midnight. They basically had to shove us out the door. I think he's a really good guy.  He compliments me on my manner of dressing numerous times and complimented my hair a couple times as well.

He bought me my iced chai with almond milk. He got up and ordered it for me and brought it to me. He got it right. Well done, Robot Man.

So, that was good.

He wore his favourite shirt. That's nice, you think. It was a black button up with two leopard print strips down each side of the chest. They were furry. I touched them.

How do I know it was his favourite shirt? He told me. In a text, before I got there, so I would recognize him. He owns a fedora as well, but did not wear it. I think he was wearing pants though. I can't really remember what they looked like as we were sitting down the whole time, but I am SURE he was wearing them. He must have been, right?

 Right?

Guys?

Moving on.

All in all, it was a good experience. I had a great time talking with him. We have some things in common, some not, which is just fine in my books. He's worth a second date but I'm not sure there's physical attraction on my end but I'm willing to see.

The furry leopard print better not be a regular thing though.

Oh! He's 39, I went the other way on this one.

I feel like baking some corn bread right now, at 1:32 AM, on a Thursday morning. Yup. That's what I'm going to do.

Make or break..

Yesterday, I saw the geeky 27 year old musician. We had lunch. It was good, food was good, conversation was good, etc.

This morning, at 10 am, he calls me and kind of dumps me ( If you can dump somebody you'ren ot even really dating ). Why? I may be too old for him.

Yup, I may be too old for him.

I was half asleep so I kind of laughed and said ok.

He still wants to be friends. I said ok.

I went back to sleep.

I am actually a little relieved because after yesterday, I wasn't sure where this was heading at all. He did the dirty work for me. Which is great!

Maybe I am too old for him, but, little boy, you fail to realize that that's a very good thing, not the bad thing you think it is.

Let's see how young the next one is.