I

I'm awkward around guys I like.
I try to be flirty and cute.
I try to show interest without being annoying.
I can be vague about my interest because I don't want to be annoying.

After sex I get really sleepy and relaxed.
Maybe this comes off as uninterested or upset.
I'm just completely relaxed and my brain is in a haze.

I'm sarcastic.
I can be too sarcastic.
I scare people away because I'm too sarcastic.
I don't NEED a man in my life, I want one to share my life with.
Men want to be needed.
I can't provide that.

I'm very easy going.
I don't care what we do, just that we do something.
I like companionship.
I like being around someone.
I like having someone to hug me
I like have someone to kiss.
I like having someone to cuddle with and laugh with.

I want to be loved.
I want to be loved for me.
I want to love someone.

Maybe I put out something completely different,
Maybe I can appear cold, unemotional, uninterested.
And I can be guarded and closed off.
I don't trust easily.
I've learned my lessons in that area.

I'm quite possibly undateable.

He's 6'4

My ex's name is Ben
He's 6'4
He was/is 3 years younger then me.

Keep the above information in mind as I review this date.

Date review
Date #1

Who: The Manager
Where: Beer Revolution
When: A few days ago
What: Beers and talking
Beard Potential: Good, and it would be a ginger beard too, but he doesn't like having a beard ( this can be worked on though )
Sexiness level: Off the charts! ( He's 6'4 )

Have you ever just clicked with someone on every level?

Ever been tempted to just go to Berlin with someone that night?

Ever not wanted the night to end?

Ever felt so insanely attracted to someone that making out in the middle of the restaurant sounds perfectly logical?

Ever meet someone that you could see yourself falling in love with?

I have.

And he's a 6'4 red head named Ben who is 3 years older then me.
I should buy a lottery ticket.
I had forgotten how tall 6'4 is and how incredible sexy I find tall men and how much I love being next to them.
Moving on

The Date

I walk into Beer Revolution. I don't see him. I figure it should be easy to spot a 6'4 man who wears this certain kind of hat ( yes, hat although I didn't know whether to expect the hat ) but a hat that, at least from the pictures, looks great!

Just as I'm about to send him a text, I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and look into a face that instantly made me smile. I hugged him. I have never hugged any one on first meeting. I'm not much of a hugger in general and I'm particular in who I hug. But in this moment, a hug needed to happen.

Did I mention he's 6'4?

He's wearing a hat. This hat.

This hat could actually be the exact hat he was wearing.

Now, this hat works for some and not for others.

For him, it works! Does it ever work! ( Slightly different then Robot Man's hat )

He did his university in Montreal. I think a bit of that Montreal style rubbed off on him. Holy hell!

We get a table, order a couple beers. I already kind of want to make out with him.
I ask him what he did that day.

He tells me he went for coffee with a friend and then played a board game. ( I made this smaller because he kind of looked away and said this quietly as if embarrassed. ) Little does he know, I LOVE BOARD GAMES! I tell him this.

We get talking. I can't even exactly remember what about. About everything and nothing and it was so comfortable, so easy, so...so....right.

He's really into movies. Not Hollywood movies, but good movies. He kind of laughs at my love of Tarantino movies and stylized violence.

I did mention that he's 6'4, right?

He loves watching baseball ( I don't ) and it's on the TV's at the bar. Never once did he watch the game until I out right asked him how watching baseball could be fun. We discuss it, he explains to me how exciting it can be. He talks about the stats a bit. By this point I am completely willing to sit down and watch a baseball game with him and have him explain the excitement to me.

He beats his hands on the table every now and then to the music playing, looks around and does this thing where he re-positions his hat on his head every now and then.

We reminisce about the 90's and high school. He tells me an embarrassing story. It's cute. I tell him about being weird and inadvertently breaking hearts in high school.

We rag Limp Bizkit and Green Day. He figures my hate for Nickelback means I secretly actually love them. I'm disgusted.

He mentions travelling. We talk about travelling. He would love to do a middle-America road trip...on a motorcycle. My heart skips a beat.

He has plans to go to Germany. I mention I feel like I should live in Berlin. He picks up his phone and says " Let's go. I'll buy tickets. They're what, only 1200$? " He's kidding, of course, but the idea of just taking off to Germany with this guy seems completely normal.

He tells me about drinking Guiness in Ireland. I tell him about backpacking through Turkey. We both LOVE Paris!

He drinks his beer much quicker then I do. This is mainly because I talk and forget to the drink.
He waits for me to catch up.

He's 6'4.

We sat for four hours, just talking and laughing.

He mentions that he thinks the couple sitting right beside us is listening to our conversation because they're not having one of their own. We both kind of laugh about that. ( It's quite possible they were listening. )

He offers to walk me home ( I live 5 blocks away ). That means he needs to walk me home and then walk back for his vehicle. I am trying to not grin like an idiot and also trying to not just jump on him. We start walking to my place, he asks me if I'm cold. I say yes. He suggests he drive me.

We make out in the The Suby ( he owns a Subaru ).

He's an amazing kisser. This is incredibly important.

Not even 15 minutes later, before I'm even in bed, he sends me a text.

" What are you doing tomorrow night? "

I'm in my house so I can now smile like an idiot. And that's what I am doing right now while writing this.

I could see myself falling in love with this man.

He's also 6'4.

Hook-up culture

READ THIS FIRST!!!

I wanted to post this article because it has a direct impact on me and dating right now.

The article talks about 20-somethings, but I would say that anyone between the ages of 18 and 40 are in the same situation when it comes to dating.

And this is my frustration.

I want to DATE! I want to go out and play mini-golf, or get lost in a corn maze, or play Street Fighter, or look through my telescope at the stars, or go to the Space and Science center, or a myriad of other activities this wonderful city has to offer. I don't just want to " hang out, maybe, sometime, " And I don't just want to hook up.

Even ten years ago it was different. I would go on actual dates! Guys put effort into things. Now their plan is " Maybe hang out sometime this week, "

MAYBE??!! HANG OUT!???

What does that mean?

Do you want to see me or don't you?

What does hang out actually mean?

BLARRGGHH!!

The end.

Neanderthal Dating and THE HAT!

I sprained my thumb.
It makes it hard to type.
It makes it hard to be alive.
Zipping up my pants? Hard
Turning my car on and off? Hard
Putting on my bra? Hard
Eating food with a fork and knife? Hard

And that last line brings me to a date review.

Date #2

Who: Robot Man
When: Last Friday, July 25
Where: Cheesecake Cafe
What: I ate too much

What do I say about Robot Man that I haven't said already. He's an odd boy. We were at the restaurant for about 3 hours, we talked almost the whole time. It was mostly fun and a little bit awkward at times. Because of my sprained thumb, instead of eating my food like a normal person, I had to make a fist around my fork and stab my food like some kind if Neaderthal. He thought it was adorable. He thinks I'm adorable and he kept looking at me with those eyes that are adoring me. It was a bit creepy. He also kept talking about being good at massages.

Mmmmhhmm, I know what that means.

He also wore a hat. And not just any hat, but this hat.

And he wore it in this material and colour.

His reasoning? 

On his dating profile page he has a lot of pictures of him in hats but I haven't seen him in a hat yet, so he didn't want me to think he was being false on his dating profile. I've only seen him once before and, if you remember, he wore a black shirt with fuzzy leopard print panels on it that he made me touch. His shirt this time did was a plain grey. He apologized for that lack of excitement on his shirt but figured the hat would make up for it.

The hat definitely made up for it.

Robot man is a really good guy. He's kind and he's talkative and he seems pretty secure in himself, even though he's a bit of an odd duck.

Problem?

I have absolutely zero attraction to him.

None. Nadda. Zilch.

He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek after our dinner. It was awkward.

And the HAT! That HAT!  I just can't get over that hat.

I don't think I will see him again in a date capacity. As an occasional buddy I could just hang out and have coffee with, sure, but there is really nothing beyond that.

THE HAT!

* Disclaimer: The following blog post contains errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. They are not my mistakes ( well, the really bad ones aren't ). All conversations are transcribed exactly as they were originally received. *

Dun, dun, da da dada daaaa. ( Law and Order theme song. )

" Youve lost a lot of weight havnt you? " 

Yes, that was the first message he sent me. 

Backstory: I have lost a lot of weight over the last couple years, around 100lbs I am guessing. I have a photo on my profile of me and Patrick Stewart. I am quite a bit heavier in this photo and it's not the best photo ever taken of me but.... SIR PATRICK STEWART!!!! 

Photo in question. I made him giggle a bit with my fan-girl dorkiness.

As we can see, I look slightly different now. I am about the third the size now as I was in this photo, but I don't care because it's MOTHA-FUCKING SIR PATRICK STEWART!!! It was the greatest moment of my life and dammit, I'm going to share it with people whether I look good or not. ( For the record, Sir Patrick Stewart looks great! )

Moving on.

I'm not sure whether this guy meant his message as a compliment or just an observation but I found it kind of an odd way to start a conversation. 

It's a nice way of saying " You used to be fat? " 

YES, yes I was fat and am still chubby and I'm not ashamed of it, so there. * stick my tongue out at you*

This conversation continues with his next message:

" You should give me a hair cutt sometime ;) lol a nice old trim job "

A nice, old trim job, eh? With a winky face included. Hmmm, could there be a double entendre hidden in this message? A very thinly veiled second meaning? Maybe of the sexual variety? Hmmmm.

I replied with " Yes, I have lost a lot of weight over the last couple years, "
" Hmmm your a bit older then me...but want to be friends? "

You just realized this?! Did you not even glance at my profile before messaging me? 

I guess he no longer wants that " good old trim job " from this old lady.

I replied. 

" Yes, I am a bit older then you. Lol, "

I'm not completely sure what this boy ( he's 25 ) was trying to accomplish with this exchange. I'm not sure of the thought process involved or why any of these comments seems like a good idea. Can someone explain it to me, please???!!!

This brings me to another thing.

A number of times guys have messaged me with something along the lines of " I need a hair cut. lol " or mentioned needing a hair cut when chatting with me.  

Are they trying to be witty? Are they just trying to find something in common with me? Are they trying to find an unassuming way to meet me? Do they want me to touch them without trying? Do they think I offer 'extra services"?

On my end, it is profoundly annoying.

 I don't say " Hey, Mr. Welder, can you weld me some stuff? lol " 

or 

" Hey Mr. Trucker, can you haul some stuff for me? lol " 

or even!

" Hey, Mr. Computer Tech, can you fix my computer? lol " ( this is a very practical skill and everyone wants a computer tech to fix their computer. )

No, I don't want to cut your hair! I don't know you and I don't want our first meeting ( and I get quite nervous about first meetings of this kind ) to be me working while you sit there. I have to work while you get to sit there and relax. I am now nervous about the meeting AND I have to give you a good hair cut.  Most people would like to leave with all of their ears still on their heads and without bleeding. 

OH! And they also want a great hair cut.

Is this a test? If I give you a bad hair cut will you never call me again?  

This is not only through messages. Each and every date I have been on has asked me about their hair, mentioned their hair, defended their hair or asked about getting a hair cut. Every time I kind of sigh and try to change the subject. I can talk about my career but don't ask me to work while on a 'date'.

I would think roller derby would be a more exciting conversation then hairdressing.

*sigh*

Change of subject. 

p.s. I am not angry at these guys just annoyed a bit. I am sure they are all just trying to be nice and take an interest in my work.

There's someone I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be....

SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH ME!

DAMMIT!

It's easy to get laid ( at least for me it is ).

It's easy to find that meaningful connection with someone. Well, maybe not easy but I have people who I have a deep, meaningful, emotional connection with.
It's easy to find someone to hang out with.

It's even easy to get a hug. 

The one down side to being single is the lack of cuddling. Sometimes one just wants to snuggle up to someone and cuddle. Maybe watch a movie, listen to music, smoke a certain plant, take a nap...whatever you feel like doing while cuddling that DOES NOT INVOLVE SEX!

It always ends up in sex.

Guy: I like cuddling.

Me: That's great. Me too.
Guy: Cuddling naked is the best.

Me: ....uh huh...
Guy: * explicit sexual things he would like to do to me while "cuddling"*

Me: * eye roll and sigh *

** Disclaimer: The above conversation is a generalization of conversations I have on a fairly regular basis. **

THAT is not cuddling. Cuddling is like a really long hug, a hug you could take a nap in. Usually, it is done with at least some clothes on and doesn't lead to sex. ( Well, it could lead to sex but that's not the intent initially )

I get it, men are always horny and always want sex. That's your argument, right? No guy actually wants to cuddle, right? Maybe not. Maybe to a guy, cuddling always leads to sex or the want to have sex.

But let me use the above conversation as an example. If it had gone more like this:

Guy: I like cuddling. "

Me: That's great. Me too. 

Guy: I like having a girl close and just letting her relax. Maybe watch a movie. Clothes on of course. 

Me: Oh!! Really??!! That sounds wonderful.

Guy: Let's cuddle tonight.

Me: OK!

Now, I realize that no guy would actually say all those things, but I'm generalizing again.

The difference with the second conversation is that this guy is probably going to at least get a kiss out of this if not other things,  where as in the first conversation, he is most definitely not. He is not even going to get to see me, let alone have sex with me.

Do you understand the difference?

Now that I've cleared that up we can move on.

I really just want to cuddle sometimes. Seriously, and when a guy says he likes or wants to cuddle and then immediately moves the idea into the sex zone, it really disappoints me. If you just want sex, just say so, be honest. It may be that that's what I want as well.

But don't tell me you want to cuddle when really what you want is sex.

The closest I've come to cuddling with someone in almost 2 years is when I snuggled up to Pile Driver ( one of my derby teammates ) in this photo:

All I want is to cuddle, on a couch with a man and his beard. 

Robot Man!

Date Review Time! 

Who: Robot Man ( he works with robots that measure things in great detail and create 3-D models )
When: 9:45 pm Wednesday ( technically yesterday )
What: Had various drinks ( namely tea ) at Remedy on Jasper Ave.
Beard Level: Excellent. He has a full but short beard. I feel I may have convinced him to grow a long one.
Sexy Level: Depends on what you find sexy. He has a hairy chest, which is good. He's a bit chubby,                                which I like. ( Sorry, Joe, I didn't really take note of the bum on this one. We were                                        sitting most of the time. ) I would put him in the lower end of sexy though.
Gentleman Level ( I'm adding this in because I feel it's important ): Fairly high. Walked me to my car                                and gave me a nice hug with a respectful kiss on the cheek.
Bad Ass Level ( I'm also adding this because reasons ): No tattoos or piercings. But he used to smoke                          a LOT of weed. I put this fairly low though.

Things I learned: He used to smoke a lot of weed but not anymore.
                             He used to live just off Whyte Ave, he now lives over where I used to live in the S.E.                                    (WHY???!!!)
                             He talks a lot more online and in text then he does in real life ( which is probably a good                                thing )

Robot Man works with robots. He programs these robots to measure things very ( and I stress VERY ) precisely. I say things because he measures a variety of things.

He measured the Grey Cup once. He also measured a moose hoof. So there's that.

He spared me the boring stuff about his job, which I appreciate. He doesn't find it boring but recognizes that most people would. Thanks, Robot Man.

I think I talked more then he did. He's very easy to talk to. We talked about our jobs, roller derby ( surprise!!! ), racism ( yes ) and space ( a bit ). The place closes at midnight. They basically had to shove us out the door. I think he's a really good guy.  He compliments me on my manner of dressing numerous times and complimented my hair a couple times as well.

He bought me my iced chai with almond milk. He got up and ordered it for me and brought it to me. He got it right. Well done, Robot Man.

So, that was good.

He wore his favourite shirt. That's nice, you think. It was a black button up with two leopard print strips down each side of the chest. They were furry. I touched them.

How do I know it was his favourite shirt? He told me. In a text, before I got there, so I would recognize him. He owns a fedora as well, but did not wear it. I think he was wearing pants though. I can't really remember what they looked like as we were sitting down the whole time, but I am SURE he was wearing them. He must have been, right?

 Right?

Guys?

Moving on.

All in all, it was a good experience. I had a great time talking with him. We have some things in common, some not, which is just fine in my books. He's worth a second date but I'm not sure there's physical attraction on my end but I'm willing to see.

The furry leopard print better not be a regular thing though.

Oh! He's 39, I went the other way on this one.

I feel like baking some corn bread right now, at 1:32 AM, on a Thursday morning. Yup. That's what I'm going to do.

Make or break..

Yesterday, I saw the geeky 27 year old musician. We had lunch. It was good, food was good, conversation was good, etc.

This morning, at 10 am, he calls me and kind of dumps me ( If you can dump somebody you'ren ot even really dating ). Why? I may be too old for him.

Yup, I may be too old for him.

I was half asleep so I kind of laughed and said ok.

He still wants to be friends. I said ok.

I went back to sleep.

I am actually a little relieved because after yesterday, I wasn't sure where this was heading at all. He did the dirty work for me. Which is great!

Maybe I am too old for him, but, little boy, you fail to realize that that's a very good thing, not the bad thing you think it is.

Let's see how young the next one is.

My dog is running interference.

I'm pretty sure my dog is running interference in my love life.

Example 1

 The other day I was at the dog park. There was a really cute boy, with a glorious beard, there with his dog. Now, we all know that beards are a very important part of my dating life. In fact, I will probably not date you if you do not have a high beard potential. ( There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they are few and far between. )

 But back to the story.

Try as I might, my dog barely showed any interest in the dog owned by this cute boy. Instead, he showed lots of interest in the dog, a beautiful Great Dane, owned by a elderly couple. They were a wonderful couple and I had a great chat with them, but they were not the cute, bearded boy I wanted to mingle with.

*sigh*

It has been suggested that my dog knew that if he hung out with Cute Boy's dog, I would give the boy all the attention, thus there would be less attention for my dog. But, I really don't think my dog thinks that much.

It has also been suggested that my dog sensed that there was something evil and sinister about Cute Boy and thus avoided Cute Boy's dog to save me from his evil ways. This theory has a little bit more credibility then the previous but again, I don't think my dog was thinking this much.

Example 2

Remember Guitar Playing Physics Teacher, A.K.A. White Neil DeGrasse Tyson? I briefly mentioned him in my first post.

He met me one night as I was walking my dog at the off leash park. We were sitting on a picnic table after he had finished serenading me. ( He does that. Sings and plays guitar ). Serenading deserves some kissing in my books. We start making out. All of a sudden...dog nose right in the middle of our faces! My dog, a 13" tall basset hound, had managed to climb up on the picnic table and insert himself between me and White NDT. Last I had checked he had been content laying on the grass under the table.

Dog nose tends to kill the mood a little. Funny how I never heard from him again after that.

Example 3

Star Trek Lover was over at my place because my dog had run into a car ( I can't really say he was hit by a car because, in my understanding of the events, he hit the car ) and I needed to watch him for a few days. STL came over to hang out. We were sitting quit closely on the couch, enjoying the classic rock I was playing on Songza ( BEST APP. EVER! ) and talking about Star Trek. Dog decided he's going to join us. Jumps up on the couch and lays down on STL's lap. He's a 60 lb. dog. STL was very gracious and allowed Dog to claim his lap as a resting place but it really does prevent any romantical things from happening. And thus, nothing romantical happened.

Come to think of it, haven't heard from him since then either.

I see a pattern here.


If you ever need some interference on a date, let me know, I can rent Dog out for a few hours. He won't mind a bit.

Penis

A picture of a penis with a message that reads " Hey Sexy "

Yup, that's all there was.

I have a profile on Okcupid and this was the first time I got a message from someone who's profile picture was just a penis. Nothing more, nothing less.

Really? Does that ever work? Seriously, can someone tell me? It's not that I'm a prude or anything. Far from it I think, maybe bordering on a bit promiscuous but just a penis, nothing more? That's just lame, dude!

I get a lot of the " Hey sexy, " and usually there is a photo of them mostly naked or a picture of them drinking a beer or with their arm around a girl. What goes through your mind at that point?

" Hey, I'm looking for a girl to date/sleep with/marry. Maybe I should put this picture of me with another girl and not explain that it's my sister/cousin/niece/aunt/mother. Yeah, that'll get the chicks, " No! No it won't! No chicks for you ( except for the one in that picture, I guess )!

Some of the other great ones I've received:

" Do you like strawberries or blueberries? I wanna know what to put in the pancakes tomorrow morning, " This from a 22 year old. A little presumptuous?

" I would love to eat you out, " At least he's honest.

" You're hot. Wanna fuck? " No, no I do not.

My favourites though are the one word ones consisting of " Sup, " Yup, apparently that is an actual word now and they're not even punctuating it properly. If you want to do it right, it's spelled " S'up. "

That leads to another thing. The English language is great! Please try a bit to use real words. I am not perfect at it but damn, I try hard to use real words and proper punctuation.

Rant done.

Date # 3!!! Shit is gettin' serious here!

Who: Geeky 27 year old musician. ( Real job: computer programmer )
When: Last night
What: watched some really bad movies and made fun of them including Heavy Metal and The Room.
Beard level: High potential. It seems like he might be growing one but it's in that scruffy not quite a beard but not just scruff stage. Some chest hair but no rug.
Sexy Body Level: His bum is adequate. ( a friend asked about it. I am not really a bum girl ) Need to work on the guns a bit as I am definitely an arm girl.
Tattoo/piercing level - Just starting, but it is a good start.

Date # 3

Things I learned: He's incredibly sarcastic, which is great, because I am too and there is no worry of offending.

The Room is the worst movie ever made. I mean it, don't watch it, unless you really enjoy watching terrible movies ( which I do ).

He is fascinated by Juggalo culture from an anthropology stand point. Yes, the ICP Juggalo culture ( although he is not part of it ). And I learned that it is a much bigger thing then I realized it was and that makes me hate this world a little bit.

He has a whole collection of socks in funny patterns and colours. I don't think any of them are just plain white or black.

He's done quite a bit of travelling.

Conclusion: Will keep him around. He's completely adorable in a odd, nerdy, some what awkward way that I can't quite pin point, but I find him interesting and fun to be around. He's very much a hipster which makes me laugh a bit. Seems to have gotten a bit better at the kissing part.


Any other particular part of the date or person you think I should be reviewing? Send me a comment or message and let me know what it is. The wackier the better, I say.

My One and Only....first post.

Here it is, by popular demand!!!

Date Night with Victoria. 

What: reviews of the dates I go on

When: within 24 hours of said date
Who: the men I date
Where: depends on what we did
Beard Potential: because this is important stuff here ( also including body hair )

What I learned: the things I discovered about above mentioned date.
Conclusion: because you asked for it and people seem to have am interest in my love life. ( also I like to think I'm entertaining and witty )

I have recently returned to the dating scene ( within the last month ) after almost 2 years of no dating. Why did I not date for 2 years you ask? Because I didn't feel like it. I was and still am happy being single but I would like to get laid once in a while and I would like to have a someone in my life that I can hang out with, chat with and maybe get a hug on those " I Need A Hug " days. Because so many people ask how my dates go I had started to review them on my facebook page. It was suggested that I create a blog for them instead, so here I am, so the whole world can know and follow my love life ( or lack of if that's the case )

I wont go back and completely review each date I've had previous to the first one I will post here, but I will give you a quick run down of them.

Who: Guitar playing physics teacher

What: An evening at the Legislature where he serenaded me under the stars.
Beard potential: HIGH. very high
Outcome: Stood me up once, saw him again and then haven't heard from him.

Who: Ontario Guy
What: Hung out, made out, etc.. etc...( has a thing for kissing red lips )

Beard potential: I'm thinking on the low end.

Outcome: Went back to Ontario but come to E-town periodically for work. Still chat via text and will see him again when he's in town next. GREAT KISSER!

Who: Intense Question Guy
What: Starbucks then a walk, chatted, asked me some very intense questions
Beard potential: Moderate

Outcome: I decided he was too intense for me. Had to let him go.

Who: Star Trek Lover

What: A walk and talk and then a hang out at my place ( 2 dates )
Beard potential: Low

Outcome: Great guy. Would love to have him a friend but no sexual attraction on my end.


Enjoy!